TRAINING UP A CHILD

The following is by Dr. Terry Coomer. God has given Brother Coomer  some special wisdom about

the building a godly Christian life and  family. He is the Pastor of Elwood Bible Baptist Church and

the  Director of For the Love of the Family Ministries. He holds Family  Conferences in local churches.

He may be contacted at For Love of the  Family Ministries, P.O. Box 535, Elwood, IN 46036, 765-552-1973

tlcoomer@juno.com

This is one part of a multiple part message. See Coomer’s web site for  other parts --www.fortheloveofthefamily.com.

REARING SPIRITUAL CHILDREN TRAINING UP IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO

By Terry Coomer

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will  not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

“My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways.”  Proverbs 23:26

The Bible has a lot to say about rearing children. This lesson or  message undoubtedly will be different

from the normal thinking or  perhaps even what you have ever heard before. It is not my purpose to 

criticize anyone. God knows my heart. Just as the Bible gives  principles for other areas of life, it gives

principles in this area  as well. I know there is a lot of confusion in this area. Parents are  hurting. Children

are hurting. We certainly are not seeing children  grow up and serve the Lord today. Why?

I have children of my own. All I can tell you is what the Bible says.  I know the Bible works.

If it does not work, the problem is not with  the Bible; the problem is with me.

I know that you sitting out there can say, "Well, I know a preacher's  child that turned out not serving the

Lord." I can tell you about them  too, many of them who are not serving or living for God.

One of the biggest problems with children today is inconsistent  pattern in parents. I remember when my

son played little league  baseball. The coach scheduled a practice on a Wednesday night. I  didn’t hesitate

for one second and he didn’t go to that practice and  miss church. We don't need to start a pattern of

unfaithfulness with  our children, because they are watching to see if Dad and Mom are who  they say they are.

Hebrews 10:25 -- "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together,  as the manner of some is; but

exhorting one another: and so much the  more, as ye see the day approaching."

I'm not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip, but when you talk to  people you get this response.

"We did all we could do. We took them to  church, had family devotions, etc." But if you really get to digging 

in their lives, you find real spiritual inconsistencies. It is that  way every time. The Bible gives us commands.

This is very important.  God's commands are directed to our will. Whenever God gives us a  command,

He makes us responsible. God knows we can do that. God does  not make us responsible for things we cannot do.

Proverbs 22:6 -- “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when  he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs is a book about a father instructing his son. Much of the  teaching of Proverbs is by contrast.

If you really want to know about  the subject of child rearing read the book of Proverbs.

Notice here in the first half of this verse, "Train up a child in the  way he should go." This word  “train” has to

do with spiritual  instruction. So many parents are concerned about the physical and  social well being of their

child that they are neglecting his  spiritual well-being. Most parents have the idea if they bring their 

children to church, send them to a Christian school, and pray at  meals, they will turn out okay.

Notice it says, "Train". This is like an athlete in training. Keep  working at it all the time and do not let up.

As parents, you need to  set your mind to it. The first part of this verse deals with a  command. Train up a

child in the way he should go. Question? Who is  the command addressed to? Parents? More specifically,

fathers! Just  for the sake of reinforcing this, look at Ephesians 6:4 -- “And ye  fathers, provoke not your

children to wrath: but bring them up in the  nurture and admonition of the Lord.” How does a father provoke his 

children to wrath? By not bringing them up in the nurture and  admonition of the Lord. The word nurture means

training with  structure. In the home, God has given an order. The order for the home  is Christ, husband, wife,

and children. This order is given for that  basis. When God's order is violated, you have a problem. In fact I see 

this as being one of the biggest spiritual problems we have today.

Notice that the first part of Proverbs 22:6 is a command. This is  commanded; it makes us as parents responsible.

The second part of the verse is “and when he is old.” My understanding  of the Hebrew meaning for this phrase

is when the child leaves the  house, not when he is seventy-five. It means, mom and dad, when the  child leaves

the home he will not depart from the training you have  given him. Remember that the word training here is

spiritual training.  Remember this is a book of contrasts. Here is the principle. If he is  trained right, he will not

depart from it. The Bible says do it right,  train him up right, and the promise of God is he will not depart from 

living for God.

My question: Is God a liar? No. Then what is the problem? I mean, why  are we having an epidemic of children

who grow up in Christian homes  and do not serve God?

The question is can we rear spiritual children? Let me give you the  classic answer that all preachers and I hear.

"Well, Pastor, we did  all we could do, but they still went the other way." If you start to  believe that now, you're

going to have some spiritual misfits and  misery on your hands. Parents have had the mind-set of thinking, 

“Well, we'll do the best that we can,” but they don't really put  effort into rearing their children.

Therefore, we have identified the source. The training is wrong. What  is the correct training? I feel sorry for

many parents. Many pastors  do not know what it means to rear children for God. Consequently, it  is like the

blind leading the blind. Alternatively, maybe you were  saved as an adult. The answers are found in the Bible.

I know someone is going to say, "I know where you are headed. You are  going to tell us to attend services,

read the Bible, pray, have family  devotions, and so on. We have done all those things and look what we 

have." Well, all those things are important, but they can be done  mechanically; in essence, not with the right

heart, not with a real  heart for God.

You cannot teach a child to have a spiritual relationship if you do  not have a spiritual relationship yourself.

There is an interesting word in Proverbs 1:1-8. This word is repeated  in verses 2, 3,7 and 8. The word is

instruction. Notice in Proverbs  1:4 -- “To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and 

discretion.” This instruction deals with the training of Proverbs  22:6. What kind of training are we talking about?

Spiritual training.  Who is responsible? Dad. If the training is wrong, the child will  depart.

Someone has said, "When a parent is involved in sin, it will always  show up in the children." It always does.

Some Bible examples are  David, Solomon, and Eli. There are many others.

We have identified the problem, which is the training. Really,  identifying the problem is easy. The difficult

part is correction of  the problem. The problem is the training and who does it. How many  times is mom left

with the spiritual training of the children? In most  churches in our country, the mother is left with the spiritual 

training of the children. The question in the first message was where  are the fathers? Do you know what the

key verse is in this book? 

Listen carefully:

Proverbs 23:26 -- “My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes  observe my ways.”

Dad, you have to get the child's heart! And let thine eyes observe my  ways. Do you know what the real problem

is spiritually? The children  are observing the ways of their dads. We have dads all across this  country that love

their children, but they neglect their children's  spiritual training. Your children look to you. When they see spiritual 

things are not important to you, it all falls in place. You cannot  fool your own children. They know if you are

real or not. They know  what takes first place in your life. They know if you have a real  heart for God. Unfortunately,

the devil knows as well and the devil  knows how to use it.

We have identified the problems:

The wrong kind of training and the way the training is done.

1. Who is doing the training?

2. The example in the training.

The remedy for wrong training is Dad having a real spiritual  relationship with the Lord.

1. Dad has to commit himself to rearing spiritual children and has to  get the child's heart. You must pray for this.

Dad has to have a real  spiritual relationship with the Lord.

2. Dad has to commit himself to rearing spiritual children and has to  get the child's heart. You must pray for this.

This lesson is designed to identify, correct, and help parents to  train their children to have a relationship with

God and live for Him.  Do not listen to excuses from those who have failed in the rearing of  their children spiritually.

The devil knows that misery loves company.

Can we rear spiritual children? Absolutely. Why can we rear spiritual  children? Because God says so.

You must work at rearing a godly family. I don't have all the answers  to raising children, but I know a man who does,

and His name is Jesus  the Son of God.